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jon200547's Blog


an explanation and an apology

Hi I want to say that I am not good with puctionation and all of that so most of the time everything I say is like a run on sentence so all I can say is sorry for that I was never good at it so all I can say is sorry please forgive me and try and make sense with everything I say try to put them in their spots yourself and try to understand what I am saying or if it bothers you please feel free to not read anything I post cause I cant do nothing about it for you either know what I am saying or you dont thats all I can say so again sorry I cant make it more clear for you

the type of woman I am looking for

1. I am looking for someone from 18 to 33 or whatever age is appropriate for me up to 33

2. someone who loves to smoke cigarettes I prefer someone who smokes up to a pack or 2 they can smoke more than that also I would prefer but is not reconmended that they smoke long menthol cigarettes for an example I would prefer if they smoked virginia slims 120's or misty 120s I would prefer anything long and menthol flavored but it dont have to be but like I said I would prefer it though

3. someone who is rich I prefer this cause I dont have any money or a job and I cant take care of myself if I had a job and money than someone rich would not matter

4. I prefer someone who loves to play videogames

5. Someone who likes to watch movies or tv series or shows

6. someone who likes to roleplay on computer would be nice but not reconmended

7. someone skinny or up to average

8. someone at most 5 ft 5 or 5 ft 6

9. I would prefer blonds

10. I would prefer if you weighed no more than a 130 pounds


 

I hope i will meet a nice beautiful rich woman around my age some day

someone around either 18 to 33 or 24 to 33 whatever is more appropriate for my age point is i hope to meet a nice beautiful rich woman who wouldn't mind being with me someone who does not care that i have no money and not rich does not care that i am immature for my age someone who wont mind taking care of me I know most people will think I am a lazy bum and just using them for money or think thats all I am after but the fact is its not yes it is true I am a lazy bum all I do is sit around and play videogames or watch tv movies or series or go on the computer to roleplay or look up videogames or movies or tv series or shows or go on to roleplay but I also go to websites hoping to find a girlfriend and hope to one day get married also about me yes true I am lazy like I said but its also complicated I should of but did not learn to cook so I dont know how to cook I dont have money or a job and this one is the complicated part I use to not want a job but now I want one but the problem is I dont like to drive I hate driving with a passion and thats my biggest problem yes people will say that I am afraid to drive and maybe that is part of the problem but I also hate it with a total passion I want nothing to do with a car I dont mind riding as a passenger in the front seat or the back but I want nothing to with behind the wheel nothing it dont interest me one bit yes maybe it does represent freedom but driving does not interest me one bit I do  not care for it and cause of this I dont go anywhere unless my parents take me or friends or other relatives so I am mostly at home yes I am still living at home with my parents but driving is not my only problem but it is my biggest one also I am not use to working under pressure thats another thing I got to work on before I can get a job also I want a rich girl cause I need someone to take care of me cause I cant take care of myself it would be different if I had money than being with someone who does not have money or does not have much would not matter but right now a rich woman is the only way for me to even have a girlfriend i know it sounds like I am just in it for money but the fact is no if i had money myself this would not even be an issue I would date someone who has none or didnt have much but try being in my shoes for a moment if i had a job money would not even be an issue but the fact is i dont drive so i dont go anywhere plus dont know how to cook or take care of myself so when my parents die I fear I wont be far behind I cant cook or take care of myself cant pay for nothing I would be out in a street and than die of hunger or thirst which ever gets me first yes I do want a girlfriend and I want to survive as long as possible I want to live as long as I can but I know for a fact that I wont cause the moment my parents die I am in trouble I cant take care of myself I figure I would probably die not long after them but like I said I know it sounds like I am just in it for money but I am not like everyone else I am in it for love to I know it would be hard to prove that because of my statement cause I sound like everyone else

blog 7

its been a while i know in this blog i want to say i need a real miracle my life is complicated i am immature for my age i am 30 years old will be 30 this december no joke everything i put is real i am not good with jokes really not good at lieing either to honest for my own good but anyway back to the point i am 30 physically mentally i dont know cause i dont act my age i have add also which stands for attention deficit disorder for a long time i have been lazy and spoiled never cleaned my room basically i did not ever do much other than sit around and either play videogames or watch movies or tv shows or go on the computer and look up videogames movies or tv shows or roleplay nothing else really interested me as i got into my late teens to early adult life i really at first never wanted a job just mostly to just continue sitting on my butt and do what i normally do the only thing i would want would also to have a girlfriend who would one day be my wife to do that stuff with as i know it cant happen unless

blog 6

I have had different dreams before stuff I have forgotten but now before those dreams I have talked about a while back I have had male dreams before those women dreams but when I did I have dreamed that I was rambo mega man superman the incredible hulk rapheal i have dreamed that I was a predator when the woman dreams first started before those ones I told you I dreamed I dreamed that I was Sailor moon I have dreamed that I was Live Wire Pj Sparkles Ripley and some random girls that I dont remember oh also Bastila Shawn from Star wars Knights of the Old Republic and also some female alien as well

blog 5

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blog 4

sorry no new dream update yet but for this topic I wanted to talk about  two video games 

1 The first one is Resident Evil people want to go back to the survival horror way where there was less ammo and more scary and puzzle solving not  me I liked these new approaches it was getting stale not only do I like these new changes I also like having a lot of ammo I always ran out of ammo and than would be in trouble but thats not the most upsetting part now capcom is talking about going back to the roots but if they can not than they are talking about rebooting the franchise I am not ready for that yet cause the story is not finished yet  it would be stupid to reboot it when the original story is not finished yet they still need a game to close the story and not only close the story but to tell about all the characters  what they all did and conclude them all in a closing story once and for all.

2. and now the second game mass effect all 3 games were good but I did not like the ending of Mass Effect 3 that part I hated and of coarse they said that when the next game happens Shepard wont be in it or a Shepard 2  in fact no Shepards and not only that people are thinking that the only way to continue the game is to make a prequal and no they still could move forward with the story but the thing is people are looking for them to do a prequal now and 1 no I am not ready for a prequal not yet that should be when you have nothing left to tell and should be if your completely ending the franchise completely and number 2 I am not in a mood for a prequal yet I want to see the story move forward and 3 I want to see Shepard and the group again I am sorry I like my group I don't care for to start with a new group sorry to me Shepard and the group is the heart of Mass Effect like Master Chief is the Heart of Halo you cant have a good game with out Master Chief in Halo other wise Halo is doomed to fail cause no game sold good without Master Chief or Cortana point is Shepard is like Master Chief I believe its going to fail without Shepard and the gang I know they are different games but to me they both are the icons of the game they make or brake the game if you completely get different characters they better be real impressive replacements cause right now they were the heart and soul of Mass Effect 

i have no idea on who i am anymore

i have no idea on who i am anymore or maybe i never really did mostly everyone knows who they are whether they are male or females or a transgender or other  or also know who they are in general i think the only thing i knew about myself was my likes and dislikes but that truly does not mean i knew myself though your likes and dislikes alone does not make you a male or female or whatever i think thats only a small part also your personality and i have no idea what else but anyway i am born in a male body that is true i have said that i am a male but even though i have said do i truly know if i am i dont know do i know if i could be a woman born with wrong parts i dont know that either i think for all this time i just lived as a shell of myself a figure of speech just alive not being identified as anything even though i myself dont identify as male or female i let my parents identify me as male whether i agree or not and that is because to them i am male and lets say later i find out it is not so that maybe i was not that maybe i was actually a woman i can never say i am a woman and want to be addressed as a her i could  never say that to my parents so whether i agree or not i have to be called a he infront of them cause my parents are from a generation that your either born a male or female no woman born in a male body and no male born in a female body they just consider you a male or female with a messed up mind so to them whether i agree or not i have to let them call me a he or a him or a guy or male all those male terms anyway do i really know what i am no i dont, i feel like i really just lived as a shell not really knowing what i am never really living i am just here never really identifying myself as male or female but my likes and personality puts me in the middle of both but i will never accept being bi or gay i would accept being a straight male or a lesbian woman i am not bi and i am not a gay man i know that for a fact cause i dont like men that way and i dont like men private parts and i know that for a fact cause i dont like myself or my parts i have been wishing that i was a woman and have woman parts as well your probably thinking problem solved that i am woman born in a male body with male parts that proves nothing yet cause if that was true i already should of known that sense i was little and i am 30 now and only been thinking about all of this sense what maybe at either 16 or 18 or maybe at 20 years old point is i am just now focusing on trying to figure out who i am when i should of already done that and whats worse than that and the stuff about you that you do know about you changes and than you find out things about yourself that you did not know about that it makes you question yourself whether you really know anything about yourself i will use myself as an example for a long while i had certain likes that were always the same that never change than as time went on i got new likes added to my old likes likes that i never thought i would get i will name 1 example i have tried smoking off and on sense i was 7 or 8 years old i did not officially start smoking till i was 15 or 16 and have been smoking sense than now i never figured i would of became a smoker at 15 or16 but i probably should of figured that it would happen sense i did not stop smoking but what became of it i did not know or how it happend but i figured when i started smoking i thought i  would just be addicted to it i was wrong i also have the smoking fetish now that supprises even me cause no one else in my family has or had the smoking fetish so its weard that i have come to love and enjoy smoking while my family are just addicted to smoking so like i said its hard for me to try and identify myself when you have likes or things that change that you cant even identify yourself i have never identify myself as male or female and yet my personality might cross both paths or i should say that my personlirty might have adopt things from both sides so in other words when I was little I never thought of anything about myself never thought whether I was male or female never thought things I always thought I am me and thats all accept I really did not even really know myself never thought about it and to add to that i seen myself as a male so I thought I was just assumed never knew for sure so I guess I could say for a long time I just lived as a shell if that makes any sense just living not really sure on the person i am just a shell i guess well they say everyone is suppose to know who they are I dont think i really know who i am or what i am physically i was born a boy but my thoughts and feelings and personality i dont know seems to go both ways i am more sensitive than a man should be i cry during happy movies or sad or anything with emotion i guess you can say i cant fight worth a crap never could plus it would not take much to injure me my body brusies easy my feelings are sensitive so is my body i know i said i smoke and have the smoking fetish i also hold the cigarette between my fingers like a woman does also to say i love the long slim menthol cigarettes the best whether its virginia slims 120s or mistys 120s or they could be longer and slimmer those are my favorites i am not saying that they are the only brands i smoke i would smoke other brands i prefer anything long and menthol but i would smoke other cigarette brands as far as smoking goes i have a femalish personality to them also as far as tv shows go i do like male shows and female shows videogames i like both male and females for a while just lived life not really sure what i am just tried to live life but lived as an empty shell i guess than from 15 16 or 18 started my thoughts on wishing i was a woman and have been thinking that way sense maybe all before maybe i was battleing myself to figure out who i am or maybe never dawned on me or over all did not care to let it bother me just lived as a shell for a long time also i do know one thing from a male perspective i would be a straight male from a woman perspective if i am a woman i would be a lesbian if i am both male and female i dont know that would complicate things cause i am not bi and never be bi cause either way or both ways i dont like men that way and i know that much cause i really dont like myself or my body parts i am actually discussted of them.

blog 3

even though this is the 3rd one mentioned this one was before those 2 i just forgot to put it up here anyway in this dream i got a new streetfighter game i forget the whole title but anyway i put it in and choose to play as chaun li the next thing is i become chaun li the game changes you into the character you choose to play as

blog 2

i had my 2nd dream in this one i was home and i get a phone call and they wanted me to be a test subject and get paid for it so i go in and they give me a pill to take and we get paid a lot of money a little after taking the pill i change into a woman

blog 1

hi i know by now there should be lots on here by now but a lot of times i have nothing to say anyway this is the 1st official blog can you believe that before i get to the main point of this blog i want to say everyone knows at this point that i wish and want to be a woman thats a given but i am just 1 of many out there who do but the point is you would think by now that other ways would of been found that men could become women or women become men right now its through hormones and surgery right now thats the only sure way you would think by now that there would be other ways whether by wishing for it or a spell or spells a curse a gender pill a gender switching machine this one is about where a male and a female switches minds or body or a machine that just changes a male into a woman and a woman into a man you would think by now there should be all differnt ways that it could be done and please dont say impossible or not possible i have heard of things they did that i think would of been impossible or not possible and yet they have pulled it off or is still in its being worked on stages but i think would of been more impossible or not been able to be done and yet its been done or is still in working stages and you tell me that can be possible but no other way for a male to become a woman or a woman to become a man i think something is wrong with this picture anyway to the point of this blog every night now i would have dreams of being a woman whether i am already a woman in them or i would start out as myself and find ways to become a woman in the dream but in yesterdays dream i started out as myself anyway me and my cousin was looking through the toys section these two teen boys i guess they were teens anyway they started asking me questions on videogames after i start talking with them then they give me this paper with questions on it and they tell me to fill it out so i started answering some questions anyway knowing my cousin was not patient i gave the teens my email so they can send me the questions and i can fill it all out later after that i went back to looking at the toys with my cousin after that we looked at the videogames after that my mom droped him off back home and than we went home after that i went online and fill out those questions and sent it back to them after that i got a message from them saying they had something of interest to talk about with me and they wondered if i would come to their place and talk with them they even sent the address for it anyway i arrive at this house which is huge i knock at the door and those two teens answered the door and i head inside they lead me into the family room and than i ask whats this about the two teens tell me to take a seat in this chair and so i take a seat in this chair and than i look at them and i say ok so whats this about not long after that my arms and legs were strapped and i could not move. before i go on with the dream topic i want you to picture the chair as if the electric chair not exactly an electric chair but looks like one thats the kind of image i want you to picture the situation i am in that dream anyway back to the dream the two teens flip a switch and some type of energy runs through my body changing me into a woman.

facts on me

1. whats your name?

1. Jonathan

2. How old are you?

2. I am 30 right now I will be 31 on December 30th

3. how much do you weigh

3. I weigh 192

4. what color hair do you have

4. I have dirty blond hair thats what me and my parents call it but it probably looks more brown so you can say brown

5. What color are your eyes?

5. I have Green Eyes

6. Whats your height?

6. My height is 5 ft 5 or 5 ft 6

7. do you wear glasses

7. Yes I do wear glasses

8.Why do you wear glasses

8. I am near sided I cant see far

9. do you smoke cigarettes

9. Yes I do smoke cigarettes

10. how much do you smoke?

10. not as much as I would like to you can say I am occasional or a rarely smoker I only get to smoke once in a while

11. Why is that why dont you get to smoke as much as you like

11. I dont have parents approval they said I can smoke when I have money and a job

12. so how do you get your cigarettes than if you dont have money

12. I either bum off them when they are not home or I get them from friends or other family members who will give me cigarettes or mabe I will get to buy my own once in a while when my parents give me money after they win some from mountaineer but thats very rare

13. a. so when do you smoke 
13. b. and how much did you want to smoke


13. a. I only get to smoke when they are not home or in my room at night or at a friends or other relatives house who dont mind that I smoke

    b. my starting goal was to smoke up to a pack or 2 after that mabe more but that was my starting goal

14. a. when did you start experimenting with smoking

14 b .when did you start smoking

14.a I started expermienting with smoking off and on sense I was 7 or 8 years old on which ever age it was it was like smoke mabe a year or two than take a brake a year or two so forth till I was 15 or 16

14. b I started smoking at 15 or 16 and have been smoking sense right now I would be considered still mabe to a lot of people an experimenter but I would prefer to say a closet smoker or something like that

15.do you have a smoking fetish

15. Yes I do have a smoking fetish

16. When did you find out you had the fetish

16 I found out when I started smoking so around 15 or 16 I guess it was starting or mabe I always had but thats when I knew of it

17 could you explain in better detail of your smoking story

17. sure I do smoke cigarettes but not as much as I would love to my starting goal I would
like to reach is up to a pack or 2 and mabe would smoke more if I getconvinced but the starting goal is up to a pack or 2 but after that whoknows but I right now I dont have a job or any money and parents dont
approve of me smoking and wont allow it till I have money and a job so
basically so cause of that I only smoke occasionally or rarely however you want to put it I only smoke when they are not home or in my room at night or at a friends house or a relatives who does not care that I
smoke and I get my cigarettes by either bumming off my parents when they are gone or I get them from friends or someone who will give me cigarettes and to add to that I have a smoking fetish I like videogames
and I go on the computer to either roleplay or look up videogames and movies I always wanted to be an actor but it wont happen I am to shy in real life and I dont do much around the house I dont really know how to
cook accept make pancake and scramble eggs and I really dont do that I dont like to drive I hate driving with a passion I dont do anything other than play videogames or watch tv shows or movies or go on the
computer to roleplay or look up movies or videogames I have tried
cigarettes off and on my life sense I was 7 or 8 years old like smoke at
7 or 8 than take a brake than start again a year or two later but I
really did not start smoking till I was 15 or 16 it was around that time
when I also discovered the smoking fetish

18. whats your favorite brands                                                                                                                                                                                              18. b also what have you tried

18.  I enjoy virginia slims 120's misty 120's and marlboro menthol 100's the best so
far out of all the brands.
18. b. i have mostly smoked marlboro winstons and seneca i have also tried  marlboro mediams marlboro menthol 100s marlboro light 100s marlboro ultra lights 100s seneca 100s shields pall malls grand Virginia Slims 120 and Misty 120's
19.what are your likes

19. I love smoking I like to play video games watch movies and tv shows I like to go on the computer to roleplay I like looking up videogames movies and tv shows I like action figures comic books videogame magazines I like any place that has videogames and movies

20 you want to be a woman

20. Yes

21. Why

21. I just want to

22. arn't you happy with your life and also what brought this on

22. No I am not really happy with my life I was 18 and up I
started having thoughts of wanting to be a woman and the funny thing is
I am a straight male I am not a transgender or anything but yet I guess
as of late I have been unhappy I guess of myself in life now I want to
be a woman the thing is I cant tell my parents how I feel they would
just kick me out and I cant take care of myself I know that if I ever
did become a woman I would be a lesbian also of late I have been
thinking on wanting to become a model not just a model but a smoking
model but I know as a male I cant do that I dont know why I have a
smoking fetish and did not know I had it till I was 15 or 16 its when it
truly showed itself I want and wish I could become a woman but I have no
money to do anything I wish there was a way and that it did not cost
anything but the reality is as far as I know there is no other way than
the regular way taking hormones and surgury which I know I did not spell
right I dont know why but I have this desire of wanting to become a
woman I have tried differnet brands but so far out of cigarettes I enjoy
virginia slims 120's misty 120's and marlboro menthol 100's the best so
far out of all the brands I have tried also the funny thing is when I
smoke I hold my cigarette like a woman I dont like holding it the other
way I dont know why but I Just like to hold it that way

23. you said you like movies

23. Yea I did say that

24. what movies do you like

24. to many to name

25.  how many videogames do you have

25. if you count everything from the different  systems the hand helds the computer  that has games to them I would say over 300 something games that go with them

26. are you mature

26. nope I am immature for my age even though physically I am going to be 28 mentally I have no idea how old I act all I know is I dont act my age

about me

I am Jonathan I will be 31 this december 30 I weigh 192 pounds I have dirty blond hair well thats what me and my parents call it but others call it brown I have green eyes I am 5 ft 5 or 5 ft 6 I wear glasses cause I am near sided I cant see far I do smoke cigarettes but not as much as I would love to my starting goal I would like to reach is up to a pack or 2 and mabe would smoke more if I get convinced but the starting goal is up to a pack or 2 but after that who knows but I right now I dont have a job or any money and parents dont approve of me smoking and wont allow it till I have money and a job so basically so cause of that I only smoke occasionally or rarely however you want to put it I only smoke when they are not home or in my room at night or at a friends house or a relatives who does not care that I smoke and I get my cigarettes by either bumming off my parents when they are gone or I get them from friends or someone who will give me cigarettes and to add to that I have a smoking fetish

1-12 of 12 Blogs   

Previous Posts
an explanation and an apology, posted October 4th, 2014, 1 comment
the type of woman I am looking for, posted October 4th, 2014, 1 comment
I hope i will meet a nice beautiful rich woman around my age some day, posted April 13th, 2014, 1 comment
blog 7, posted April 13th, 2014, 1 comment
blog 6, posted April 5th, 2013
blog 5, posted March 30th, 2013
blog 4, posted March 26th, 2013
i have no idea on who i am anymore, posted March 21st, 2013
blog 3, posted March 21st, 2013
blog 2, posted January 29th, 2013
blog 1, posted January 18th, 2013
facts on me, posted December 7th, 2011
about me, posted December 6th, 2011

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